Cop crashes patrol car into a wall while answering call
(CNS): The RCIPS Traffic and Roads Policing Unit is investigating one of its own after an officer driving a marked police service vehicle crashed into a wall on Bodden Road at around 1:15pm on Sunday. Police did not give an exact location of the single-vehicle collision, but social media footage indicates that it happened near the Esso gas station in Bodden Town. The officer was responding to a call for service at the time, and both the patrol car and the wall were damaged.
The officer was attended to by the Emergency Medical Services and taken to hospital, where he was treated for non-life-threatening injuries and later released. He was also breath tested in accordance with the policies and procedures of the RCIPS, with negative results.
Police did not say what may have caused the crash. However, the RCIPS is having to deal with a significant number of daily road collisions and has been urging motorists to drive more safely and responsibly.
- Fascinated
- Happy
- Sad
- Angry
- Bored
- Afraid
🚨 CODE WAAAGH! – ORKY ROAD ENFORCEMENT HAS BEGUN! 🚨
“Oi, listen up ya runty gitz! We’z da law now!”
English Translation: Attention, you small and insignificant fools! We are now the law!
Citizens of the Cayman Islands! You thought the chaos had peaked? You were wrong. The RCIPS patrol cars have gone from crashing into walls to emerging from them, violating not just traffic laws but the very fabric of reality itself. And in their wake, a new force has arrived.
Ork Translation: Oi, ya lot! Thought it couldn’t get more bonkers? WELL, IT JUST DID! Da humie cops went from bashin’ into walls to poppin’ outta ‘em like sneaky gitz! Dey’z busted up da laws of da road an’ now WE’Z IN CHARGE! WAAAGH!
THE ORKS HAVE SEEN YOUR TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS. AND THEY ARE NOT IMPRESSED.
Ork Translation: We’z been watchin’ ya drive like grots, and lemme tell ya—IT AIN’T ORKY ENUFF! We’z seen ya ‘umies mess up so bad, even da Squigs iz laughin’!
In an unfortunate, unholy, and entirely avoidable turn of events, a massive Warp rift has opened over Seven Mile Beach, spilling out Orkish Traffic Enforcement Squigs (O.T.E.S.), fully equipped with foam axes and bubble gum traffic cones. That’s right. The Orks have taken over traffic enforcement.
Ork Translation: Oi, dere woz a big shiny WARP HOLE wot opened over da sandy bit of da island, and out came DA BOYZ! An’ dey wuz armed to da teef wiv FOAM AXES an’ TRAFFIC CONES DAT SMELL LIKE BUBBLE GUM! Guess wot? WE’Z RUNNIN’ DA ROADZ NOW!”
🚦 THE NEW ROAD RULES, ORKY STYLE: 🚦
Ork Translation: LISTEN UP YA GITZ, ‘ERE’S HOW IT WORKS NOW!
1. DA FOAM AXE OF JUSTICE! – If you’z drivin’ like a git, expect a visit from Big Teef Da Enforcer, wielding his sacred foam axe of road discipline. A single bonk on the noggin means ya gotz a warnin’. Two bonks? Yer car is now Ork property.
Ork Translation: If ya drive like a zoggin’ spanner, Big Teef is comin’ fer ya! ‘E’s got da Foam Axe o’ Justice™, an’ if ‘e bonks ya once, ya get a warnin’. Twice? DAT MEANS YER WHEELZ BELONG TO DA WAAAGH!”
Translation:
1. If you drive like a maniac, prepare for a visit of a police cruiser through your car , in the literal sense ! in full orchestration wielding a foam axe and a compulsion to use it ! Two consecutive collisions and your car now becomes a war buggy !
2. DA TRAFFIC CONE CHALLENGE! – Instead of DUI tests, Orkish officers will make you wear a bubble gum-flavored traffic cone on your head. If you can still drive straight, you’re “probably good enough.” If not? Yer car gets strapped to a Gargant as extra armor.
Ork Translation: Right, no more borin’ humie drinky-tests! Instead, we slap a bubble gum cone on ya noggin’. If ya can still drive in a straight line, maybe ya ain’t that krumped! If ya wobble—CONGRATS, YA JUST MADE DA GARGANT STRONGER!”
Translation:
1. No more silly breathalyzer tests , instead we stick a traffic cone made out of bubblegum on your head and ask you to drive in a straight line, if you do congratulations you are good , If not your bucket of bolts and you just became Ork titan armor !
3. “USE YA BLOODY INDICATORS!” – Failure to use turn signals will now result in mandatory public shaming. Offenders will be paraded through George Town on a makeshift wartrukk while Orks hurl harmless but deeply insulting squigs at them.
Ork Translation: OI! INDICATORS EXIST FER A REASON! If ya don’t use ‘em, we’z gonna strap ya to da back of a wartrukk an’ parade ya ‘round da town while da boyz lob hissy, insultin’ Squigs at yer zoggin’ head!
4. ROUNDABOUT WAAAGH! – Roundabouts are now designated Orky Fight Clubs. If two cars enter at the same time, the drivers must duel with inflatable hammers to determine who gets the right of way. NO BACKING OUT !
Ork Translation: Dere ain’t no more “right of way” nonsense—ROUNDABOUTS IZ NOW FIGHT CLUBZ! If two gitz show up at da same time, DEY GOTS TO FIGHT WIV BIG SQUISHY BONK-STIKKS! No runnin’ away! ONLY DA WAAAGH DECIDES!”
5. “DA FASTEST ONE WINS!” – If police chases weren’t chaotic enough, speeding violations are now solved through a drag race. Beat the Ork patrol buggy? Yer free to go. Lose? Your car is repainted red so it goes fasta and is added to Da WAAAGH!
Ork Translation: Speedin’? ‘ERE’S DA DEAL! If ya think ya fast, ya gotta PROVE IT! Race one of da Orky patrol buggies! If ya win, ya keep drivin’! If ya lose—TOO BAD, YER CAR GETS PAINTED RED AN’ GOES INTO DA WAAAGH!”
🟢 THE ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS RESPONDS 🟢
“By the Omnissiah’s holy gears, what… what am I even witnessing?! The very concept of traffic law has been annihilated and replaced with an Orkish approximation of governance!”
Ork Translation: “BY DA MACHINE GOD, WOT IN DA NAME O’ LOGIC IS DIS?! DA LAWS O’ DA ROAD JUST GOT KRUMPED BY DA BIGGEST WAAAGH IN TRAFFIC ‘ISTORY!”
“Even their deeply flawed, gloriously stupid system of ‘bonk-first, ask-later’ has somehow introduced actual consequences for reckless driving!”
Ork Translation: “OI, WAIT A MINUTE—DERE’S CONSEQUENCES NOW?! DA HUMIE LAW BOYZ COULDN’T EVEN MANAGE DAT!”
“RCIPS has failed. The Orks have taken over. The only question left is… when do we make this permanent?”
Ork Translation: “DA HUMIE COPS WEREN’T EVEN WORTHY OF BEIN’ GITZ! NOW WE’Z DA BOSSES! DIS AIN’T A QUESTION OF ‘IF’ WE MAKE IT PERMANENT—DA REAL QUESTION IZ WHEN DO WE START PAINTIN’ ALL DA CARS RED?!”
🚦 FINAL ORKY ADVISORY 🚦
“If ya see a big green lad wavin’ a foam axe at ya—STOP. ‘Cause if ya don’t, ‘e’s gonna make sure ya do!”
“If ya see a bubble gum traffic cone on da ground, dat means one of you gitz messed up and ya better fix it before da Mekboys turn yer car into a warbuggy!”
“If ya see a patrol car comin’ outta a wall—don’t panic. Just means we’z got more teef for da WAAAGH!”
**FINAL WARNING: TRAFFIC AIN’T ABOUT RULEZ NO MORE. IT’S ABOUT WAAAGH!
🚨 ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE NEWLY APPOINTED ORKY TRAFFIC COMMISSIONER 🚨
“BEHOLD, CITIZENS OF CAYMAN! YOUR NEW MASTER OF ROAD SAFETY HAS ARRIVED! WITNESS! ADMIRE! ALSO—PANIC!”
It is with a total absence of regret, caution, or logic that we formally declare CLAPTRAP as the first-ever Orky Commissioner of Traffic Enforcement (O.C.T.E.). That’s right. The small, questionably competent, self-proclaimed genius responsible for accidentally summoning the Ork-infested Warp Rift over Seven Mile Beach has now been granted full control over road laws, enforcement, and reality itself.
The reasoning behind this “appointment” is as follows:
1. It was his fault anyway. (Yep he caused the breach in between realities through which the Orks in flip flops came through , pets , garants , war buggies bazookas and all the necessary equipment !)
2. Nobody else wanted the job.
3. The Adeptus Ridiculous refused outright, citing ‘a rapidly accelerating aneurysm’ as the reason.
4. The Orks liked his style.
5. He was already holding a pre-written acceptance speech.
Ork translation follows:
🚨 ANNOUNCEMENT FROM DA NEW ORKY TRAFFIC BOSS 🚨
“OI, LISTEN UP, YA GITZ! YER NEW OVERLORD O’ ROAD KRUMPIN’ HAS ARRIVED! LOOK AT ME! LOVE ME! ALSO—LEG IT!”
It iz wiv a total lack o’ regret, caution, or da slightest shred o’ sense dat we’z now makin’ CLAPTRAP da first-ever Orky Kommissar of Traffic Enforcement (O.K.T.E.)! Dat’s roight! Da little, barely functional, overly chatty, self-proclaimed ‘genius’ wot accidentally ripped open a Warp rift over Seven Mile Beach (which da Orks fank ‘im fer, by da way) now runs all da roadz, da lawz, an’ reality itself!
DA REASONS WE GAVE ‘IM DA JOB!
1. IT WUZ ‘IS FAULT ANYWAY!
“Roight, ‘e wuz da one wot krumped reality, lettin’ da Orks pour through in dere flip-flops, along wiv dere Squigs, GARGANTS, war buggies, bazookas, an’ all da proppa dakka needed fer a gud time!”
2. NO ONE ELSE WANTED DA JOB.
“Even da zoggin’ humies thought dis woz too much of a mess ta fix, so we’z takin’ over!”
3. DA ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS REFUSED!
”‘E muttered sumfink about ‘is brain-meats turnin’ into a servitor soup an’ ran away screamin’. WE TAKE DAT AS A YES!”
4. DA ORKS LIKED ‘IS STYLE!
“Talks too much, shouts a lot, don’t fink too ‘ard—DAT’S PROPER ORKY LEADERSHIP, DAT IS!”
5. ‘E WUZ ALREADY HOLDIN’ A PRE-WRITTEN ACCEPTANCE SPEECH!
“Da lil’ git had a whole zoggin’ speech READY TO GO, like ‘e KNEW we wuz gonna pick ‘im! Can’t argue wiv fate! (Or wiv a mekboy holdin’ a power klaw…)”
🚨 FINAL WARNING FROM DA NEW BOSS! 🚨
“DA WAAAGH RULES DA ROADZ NOW! IF YA CAN’T KEEP UP, DEN YA BETTER START RUNNIN’!”
🟢 THE ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS RESPONDS… IN ABSOLUTE HORROR 🟢
“This… this is it. This is how civilization dies. Not with a war, not with famine, but with a hyperactive, one-wheeled lunatic and a mob of traffic-obsessed Orks rewriting the laws of reality. I have spent decades studying logic, engineering, and governance… AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE POLICE CARS BURST FROM WALLS LIKE DAEMONIC ENTITIES!”
“And let us not forget—this entire disaster happened because Claptrap touched something he shouldn’t have. He meddled with the Warp, he summoned the Orks, and now… he is the only one they recognize as their ‘boss.’”
“I would call for an Exterminatus, but let’s be honest… at this point, the Orks are already handling it.
Side note : Orks use teeth as currency, provenance doesn’t really matter just size does , So make sure you have a solid dental plan ! Or don’t ! Your choice!
Fully convinced N used Ai to screen this without wasting time to read such trash, but equally baffled you’d publish such a comment longer than the article itself. No disrespect, it’s your site and love it, but many people question why this shxt is posted. Anyways, here’s a summary:
–
The Cayman Islands’ traffic system has been taken over by Orks after a guy named Claptrap accidentally opened a Warp rift. Now, Orks enforce road laws with chaos—foam axes, bubble gum traffic cones, and bizarre punishments like turning cars into war machines or making drivers race to avoid penalties. Claptrap is now the self-proclaimed “Orky Traffic Commissioner” because the Orks like his style, and no one else wanted the job. The Adeptus Ridiculous is horrified, but it’s too late: the Orks are in charge, and traffic is now all about mayhem and WAAAGH!
.. does CNS play the game in reference or sumting?
Brought to you by the John John School Of Driving
“Hands free” means to keep your hands on the wheel and not on your phone. The other way works too but can have unintended results😂
It must be about time for the fire truck speed test at the airport.
Another stupid one-car wreck.
Easy come easy Go! we paying for the jollies Cayman just go get new one No problem Man!
Distracted driving even affects the police.
Wasn’t trained in Multitasking
So its only MLA’s that never get breathalyzed after an accident?
Unless it was a medical or mechanical issue, there’s no reason this should happen, other than poor driving. Even if it was responding to an emergency, with lights and sirens on, the onus is still to arrive in one piece.
Part of the issue maybe dangerous driving by police officers. I understand they have an important job to do but overtaking vehicles at high speeds on blind corners around savannah / bodden town as I witnessed yesterday nearly causing a head on collision may require additional training. The police must be trained to understand what emergency or call out would ever require driving like that . Is it necessary with ten vehicle accidents a day that loud police sirens are used for all these calls . We are starting to sound like New York City on a tiny caribbean island, tourists and residents don’t want to hear sirens all day long, a blue flashing flight with no siren might be better placed for many call outs .
I’ve driven emergency vehicles. There’s a huge problem with drivers not noticing, or yielding to lights and sirens. The sirens are 100% needed, but they’re still not enough!
It just reminded me that I haven’t watch the Police Academy movies 🎥 in a while
Shit driving must be contagious at this point. WTF.
‘do as i say..not as i do’…zzzzzzzzzzzzz
no respect for the police farce after jon-jon incidents
uh-oh spaghettios!…