Drug addicts: a parent’s pain
Oh, sweet bleedin’ Jaysus! I don’t think I have actually ever found myself LOL. As many times a day as I use those three letters, I’m never actually doing it. I’m only usually trying to end a boring conversation … but this … I actually Laughed Out Loud at the mental image of a veritable army of zombie-like “crackheads” marching about in a drug stupor.
This really had nothing to do with crackheads (as you call them … a term that I actually find extremely rude and hateful, a disgusting term, really), but since you seem to have a personal vendetta, let’s go there.
As a counselor with many years experience working with people who have the disease of addiction (who may or may not be employed on this hateful and judgmental island) and, to me, infinitely more important, as the parent of a dead drug addicted child, I can tell you that no one, NO ONE grows up aspiring to be a drug addict.
My little girl never once in all her childhood said, “Daddy, I’d like to be a drug addict when I grow up. I want to steal and prostitute myself and get beaten up and gang raped. That sounds like fun!” No. She wanted to be a cat, then she wanted to be a mermaid, then she wanted to be a veterinarian when she grew up.
What she did not want was to have all those things happen to her because she was born with a disease that she had no choice in or control over. She did not want the disgusted looks from people like you, and I am quite bloody sure that she did not want to die in a gutter on the side of the road.
Yes, they steal. My little girl, who at 8 months called me Papa, at 8 years stood on pointe first in her ballet class and at 18 was a crack and heroin addicted prostitute who broke into many houses, including mine and her mother’s house, her childhood home, and stole everything of any value, more than once.
By the time she was 24, she was unrecognizable. At 25 she died alone in a muddy drain pipe with her throat cut open.
So, yes, they steal. They change. They will lie and cheat and tell you they’re sorry with real tears and take your wallet while you’re hugging them. They hurt everyone. They have a beast to feed that not only chews up and spits out every hope they ever had, but it eats them alive as well.
For my child and many of my clients, men and women both, stealing is preferable to the alternative. Would you like to share yourself with some person who can do anything he wants to you because he has paid you? And I do mean anything. The stories I have heard from these people of the sexual perversions of men who take out their hate and aberration on the needy in society, YES IN THIS SOCIETY ALSO, would make your hair turn white.
I have met men — completely heterosexual men — who in their addiction had to do the same thing that women do. You’d better believe, I would steal, too, if I had a choice.
So you see, you judgmental old hypocrite, if you CAN even see anything from your elevated throne above humanity where you have never done anything you are ashamed of, yes, they do a lot of things that get them locked away, beaten up, shot, stabbed, slashed, killed.
But know this, Mr or Miss Perfect, whoever you are: they also bleed as red as you do, they cry the same tears that you do, they love the way you do, they have hopes and dreams and opinions and ideas and hobbies and memories and homes somewhere and people that love them, just like you do.
I quote you: “And you may say, well how do you put a crackhead in a mental health institute if they don’t want to go there voluntarily? Simple, the police can pressure them in the streets and once they are rude and acting crazy, the police (Cayman) should have a law like the US called the Baker Act Law, where police have the right to arrest a person and carry them to the mental health institute lock up because the person is acting crazy. Yes this law will also cause some normal people (possibly drunk) to get locked up for a few days sometimes because of some ranting and raving outburst infront of police, but they’ll get released soon enough and learn to control themself better! But this is the only way to have more control of these mental crackheads walking up and down our streets and burglarizing and robbing.”
You idiot. You uneducated, disinterested, typical, predictable, hateful, judgmental, assumptive, ignorant, bigoted, prejudiced, backward person. What is it that infects you people of this island that causes your hate? Your holier-than-thou attitudes? I am not even going to bother addressing specific parts of your ignorant commentary because it pains me that an adult can be so dim-witted.
What’s even more painful is that so many of your population thinks exactly the way you do. No wonder your addicts can’t get or stay clean. Their worst fear is not the gun man or the police — that’s par for the course stuff. Their worst fear is PEOPLE. LIKE. YOU. Across the board, that is what they fear the most.
And look, I’m not saying you can love them back to sobriety, or that judicial punishments should be lenient, or even that you should forgive them or allow them take advantage or to enable their behaviour because they have a disease; that is only an excuse up to a certain point.
I’m just saying, what have you done to help? What are you doing to help? You may not be able to make any change in addiction on your island, but if you have not even any compassion or willingness to understand another man’s struggle then YOU, my dim-witted friend, ARE the problem.
As soon as they build that mental health institute, perhaps you should drop in and see if you fit the criteria. I would take an addict ANY DAY over a person with no soul.
This comment was posted in response to this comment by a reader on the article Police urge public to secure homes and businesses
Category: Health, Mental Health, Viewpoint
How does addiction to opioids such as heroin or morphine differs from addiction to prescription pain relievers for example? Neither can live without it.
Pain relievers difficult to obtain illegally. Do they resolve to criminal activities if they can’t obtain it legally?
The best comment: 06/09/2016 at 2:54 pm
Far from it!
I went down and read the comment you claim is the “best”, wow.
The gentleman who wrote the article to which we are all posting on, has lost his daughter. You have no sympathy, even though you tried to pretend you do; you are a manipulative person who likes to twist the truth and cause trouble….
You’re a “pot-stirrer”!
I have studied a lot of English literature, poetry etc. you can believe that the poster of this article was NOT blaming society or anyone in particular; rather, he was trying to shed some light on the fact that drug addictions are diseases. Is he frustrated, YES, wouldn’t you be? Would you be the same after losing your baby girl at 25?
Please take your hatred and ignorance else where, far from any keyboard. You are not here to help or learn, you’re here to JUDGE, and that is the last thing any of us need here in Cayman because there is far too much of that nasty attitude to go around!
Shame on you 9:42am.
Thank you for telling your side of the story and sharing your pain and disgust so openly.
What I was missing from your commentary is suggestions how the general public (who has not been exposed to drug addiction etc) can deal with this issue.
As you point out, drug addicts will do anything and everything they have to in order to feed their addiction. So besides the immediate family how can schools, teachers, coaches, employers, friends etc deal and assist with this situation? Simply being sympathetic will not resolve the issue. Simply not calling them “crackheads” will not resolve the issue.
It is one thing telling everyone how wrong they are, but what is your suggestion to make it right? Sure there are people who are just being their usual prejudice self, but there are many who truly don’t know. It may be helpful if you could share some of the “warning signs” etc especially parents should look out for. I have two children myself who are teenage age, so I would like to know.
You also made a comment that many people who have a drug addiction fail to stay sober due to the negativity of the community towards drug addicts. While I 100% believe that this is right, there is also the issue regarding the size of the community – one has simply no opportunity to get away from the old “circle” and outrun his/her past.
Finally, I would be interested for you to share your thoughts on why so many people in Cayman in particular seem to be struggling with drug addiction.
Thanks
I’m sorry for your loss of your beloved daughter and may she rest in peace and may God help you with your pain in your heart.
Tough to say though, i think you’re blind or did not understand what i was saying. I meant it as a place for them to go and get help and rehab, rather than rot in the streets and terrorise innocent people sleeping at night breaking into their places and stealing and sometimes even harming them. or worse scenario as happened to your beloved daughter, dying in the streets. Better for them to get locked up in a mental health institute to try to get mental help.
I have alot of soul, and you need your mind rehabilitated from your delusional perception of giving in to this addiction you call a “disease”. This addiction “disease” is treatable. You make it sound like it’s not treatable and there is no hope.
Yes your daughter lost the battle, but there are also many who have been helped and have won the battle. So don’t let other parents think there is no hope for recovery and to just give up to this “disease”. There is always hope, this “disease” is treatable by various mind therapies. And say NO to being an enabler!
Then they get a mixed message in their head that oh poor them they have a disease so they just have to be this way. They have given up their fight to win the battle once they believe that.
Parents need to always tell their children to choose to do what is right and not what is wrong no matter how old the child gets. It’s a parent’s duty to instruct a child and teach them right from wrong.
See, just because you have suffered great tragedy and loss, i’m not going to be an enabler to you to tell you are right, No i will point out to you where you are wrong. Then you will be better able as a Counsellor to help others who are suffering drug addiction, what you call “disease”. It would be wrong for me to tell you that you are right when you are wrong. That’s what enablers do. There is always hope where there is life. And you have to see the agony of those being robbed and burglarised sometimes even harmed from these drug addicts needing to secure their next fix.
If you can’t even sympathise with the the victims of these drug addicts behaviours, then you should not be a Counsellor, because you are then biased that the addict needs pity while the people they rob and harm are the bad people. That is some crazy ideology! A mind that thinks like that is a mind that needs rehabilitating!
Enabling is the biggest problem to block a drug addict from recovering/rehabilitating!
I cannot imagine the pain you feel, the guilt (naturally), the emptiness of losing your daughter; watching as she diminished into nothingness. I am truly sorry for all the pain you have felt and continue to live with everyday.
Most people are not educated to understand that it is indeed a disease; what started as drinking liquor and smoking cigs, then maybe weed, then onto the hard stuff.
It is not a moral choice; if it were, who would choose such a life?
I am grateful for persons like this gentleman who has opted to share his very personal experience regarding his own daughter who was an addict. This is a great example because it is clear she came from loving parents, a good home and a stable environment; yet, she became an addict.
It can happen to anyone out there. Empathy and understanding, love and support are what is lacking in this entire Country. People hate on a whim, judge unnecessarily, use people to climb the ladder of success, you name it, it happens right here.
Most importantly, Cayman is an unforgiving society.
I wish you all love and support, faith and guidance, may you always remember your daughter as the bright light she really was, not the darkness that took her in the end.
Peace.
Snowblind Friend, from my teenage years in the 70’s before we really knew what “snow” was.
You say it was this morning when you last saw your good friend
Lyin’ on the pavement with a misery on his brain
Stoned on some new potion he found upon the wall
Of some unholy bathroom in some ungodly hall
He only had a dollar to live on ’til next Monday
But he spent it on some comfort for his mind
Did you say you think he’s blind?
Someone should call his parents, a sister or a brother
And they’ll come to take him back home on a bus
But he’ll always be a problem to his poor and puzzled mother
Yeah he’ll always be another one of us
He said he wanted Heaven but prayin’ was too slow
So he bought a one way ticket on an airline made of snow
Did you say you saw your good friend flyin’ low?
Flyin’ low
Dyin’ slow
Yes. my friend! Music speaks to the places that no counsellor, judge or therapist can! I met a young man once at a charity event for children of addicts who wrote a song that I may well have listened to a literal million times. He is a brilliant singer/songwriter and musician, a father, a son, a multi-millionaire many times over, a brash but kind fellow with a quick mind and a compassionate heart. He is also an addict, a title he wears – not necessarily proudly, but with great reverence – and not because he would like to, but because if he does not give his full attention to its submission on a daily basis it will kill him. I was awed and amazed and more than a little starstruck to stand in the presence of Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. He sings, in part…
—–
I kept the right ones out, and let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life when I was goin’ insane
Tryin’ to walk through the pain
When I lost my grip and I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave but couldn’t get out the door
I was so sick and tired of livin’ a lie
I was wishin’ that I would die
It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It’s Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
It’s Amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot’s a permanent vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
—–
Indeed.
I agree that the term “crackhead” his highly offensive, however, it is used very casually on-island in Cayman with no one seeming to understand the weight it holds.
I have read the original comment over, and whilst it is not at all particularly sympathetic to the user; the poster was making an attempt to suggest how to assist a person with a crack addiction.
With Cayman being as small as it is, many people (especially in West Bay) are fundamentally fed up with finding bikes missing, clothes stolen from the clothe line, homes broken in to, shoes missing from the front door and the list of nuisances goes on – but there is no true proactive attempt to deal with the issue.
The original comment poster also asked if there is a law that can swoop these individuals off the street and get them help; I should imagine they can be arrest for “consumption” and sent to drug court.
However, not being able to find a job, many of them are now homeless and many of their family members (some of which are high-ranking persons) have disowned them – that alone makes the chance of them reoffending extremely high.
Cayman simply has more issues than sensible people to deal with them.
Now ain’t that the truth
Wrong, the family then becomes the enabler, it takes for the family to disown them so they can hit rock bottom so they can seek help. Go ask Caribbean Haven see what they tell you. And it doesn’t mean every case will be victorious, but they stand much more chance to get help and recover than have an enabling family making them think they are ok and fine to do what they do and to continue providing for them so they can continue living in their destruction.
Also ask ex-crack/drug addicts how they made their recovery and what took place leading up to it, let the ex-users tell their stories of recovery, they speak volumes of reality and truth for how users can overcome and break free from their addiction. Sure some may never recover and die in their addiction, not all are able to overcome before it’s too late, but many do recover and have alot of great stories/testimonies to tell. Where there is life there is always hope. Say NO to enabling people’s bad behaviour!
Don’t “love” them to death as in enabling them to death, but rather love them to the Truth, not lies, even if it seems like tough love. If it’s being tough for the sake of trying to help them recover rather than helping them live in the messed up life they are living, then say yes to Tough Love!
Also, the enabling means the person is abusing the enabler, say NO to accepting abusive behaviour from anyone! Do not be an enabler is the point here.
And thanks for understanding that i the poster of the original comment was trying to show ways to help the crack-heads.
And exactly, the people who get the stuff stolen from them, or wake up in the night with them in their room stealing from them or even holding a knife to them, cannot be made out to be the “bad guys” as the poster who lost his/her daughter is giving the impression of that. When you get your laptop stolen and it has thousands of dear unreplacable family photos on it, or you have your work on it in documents that is unreplacable also, that is a big upset in a person’s life. Or the horror of being traumatised, violated, invaded, intruded upon, being spied upon, or even being assaulted, injured or raped, all those various traumas. Like they deserve it or something, like they are the bad guys because they should just be sympathetic and pity the drug users when the drug users are violating and abusing them in these various ways, this is a very twisted mindset to not have pity on the victims of these robberies/burglaries/assaults, etc and to chastise these victims for daring to be somewhat unsympathetic to the drug users. That is a delusional mindset. Besides i was pointing out how to get them help from this sick addiction and i can’t see why that other poster could not see that in my post like you did?
Do not enable anyone who abuses you! Say no to abuse! Say yes to Tough Love!
Cayman needs a proper Mental Health Facility where people can be involuntarily placed in, and get professional Mental Health care.
I would rather see the user locked up in a Mental Health Facility than wasting away dying and suffering in the streets while also terrorising innocent people’s lives with their actions and behaviour. It is the better option by far. And hope for the best that they are able to receive the help and recover whilst locked up.
Just because someone has a drug addiction doesn’t mean a whole community should be punished and suffer from their actions and behaviour. That’s why there are Laws and Police and Law Enforcement otherwise people would be wreckless and lawless and live in chaos. Laws and Police are established to keep communities in peace and not chaos. Drug users are not above the Law. They must also follow the laws and not harm and abuse others in the community and not consume illegal drugs, or be punished and pay the price of breaking the law which is being locked up. And that is where a proper Mental Health Facility comes into the picture, because the repeat offenders of drug use can be put in the Mental Health Facility where they can get professional help to overcome their addiction.
The family never just disowns them for the fact that the family wants to make them hit rock bottom so that they can wake up – dealing with an addict who is someone you love is emotionally draining. I know, because I ended a long relationship with the parent of my children because of their drug addiction which they picked up years in to our relationship.
Yes, had to put my foot down after years of dealing with them coming in 4am or being gone for days, drugs left all over the house (cocaine), it was unhealthy for our children and no amount of talking, fighting, arguing, counseling would do. And truly, they do cry real tears and promise real promises but when that urge hits; gosh!
No one wants to put someone they love on the street, especially their long term partner and parent of their children or even their child – but you also have to love yourself and the others around you enough to understand that the person on drugs is not the person you loved. In this case the person has sobered up (or so I am told) – but I never looked back after that day. So trust me, I know.
I think everyone can feel your pain, but…..
the accusatory tone of your comment, instead of a neutral one, is not conducive to establishing a dialogue/discussion with the local community/society.
Which makes absolutely zero/none/nada/zilch difference to me. It’s the addicts I would want to speak with in any case, not you. Not you, nor your do-nothing-but-judge counterparts.
If you want to speak to the addicts this is the wring place, they’ll have sold their computers by now.
I am an addict in recovery who holds down a professional job, years later, and find your crude prejudice quite offensive. My experience is absolutely aligned with the comments made here about addiction being a disease and the key point about being an addict is having no choice over using substances. I know I wanted nothing more than to stop but spent years losing relationships, jobs and homes because I could not stop.
Congratulations on overcoming your drug addiction.
Why don’t you share the golden testimonies/stories of how you overcame and what series of events led up to it? This is the important part that people need to hear than can help others to recover and help their loved ones to assist in the right way instead of enabling. You’ve left out the most important information that everyone needs vitally to hear. How did you overcome?
Also, did you steal, rob and burglarize when you were on drugs? And what drugs was your addiction?
Remember the point is to get the drug user into rehab/Mental Health Facility and off the streets so they don’t rot in the streets whilst terrorizing innocent victims with stealing, break ins, assault ,etc. So you have to see that this poster who lost his/her daughter is making out the user to be the good guy and those who complain against the user abusing them by way of stealing, burglarizing, assaulting them is the bad guys! That’s where this poster’s comments are delusional and bizarre! Not the part about the addict not being able to control themself, that’s not the point here, we all know they can’t control themself, or at least most of us know that. That’s not the point being contested here. The point is the abuse and trauma the addict causes to others and society, and that the addict is rotting away in the streets once the family turns their back after helping hundreds of times over only to keep getting bitten in the ass everytime. The addict will be better off in a Mental Facility til they recover. Good for the addict, good for the victims of the addict’s abuse and the whole community. Win-Win for everyone when addict locked up in Mental Health Facility.
Yes of course the family would prefer the person never became a drug user addict and turned down such a bad road in life to end up rotting in the streets. But since they did, then it’s a Win-Win for everyone when they are locked up in a Mental Health Institute where they can get professional help to recover and the family and community can live in peace and not be terrorised and traumatised.
It is unbelievable that the victims of the addict’s actions breaking in and stealing and terrorising them even assaulting them, can be overlooked!
Then we might as well have no Laws, No Law Enforcement and everyone just do as they please and the community can be in complete outlaw chaos. Why do you think there are Laws and Law Enforcement? It is to keep a population in as much peace as possible living amongst one another. People who terrorise others can’t just get away with it with no repercussion. That would be like the Islam extremists. Look at the US and other nations jumping into other people’s countries to try to defend them from the terrorists.
Crack heads behave like terrorists abusing people. They should not be allowed to be free and should be in lock up but not in a prison, but rather a Mental Health Facility where they can get professional help to recover.
Crack heads also get beaten up alot by dealers they owe money to or people they steal from, it’s tragic to see the condition they are in and the situations they get themself into. They need help. They need to be locked up to get help.
Win Win for them and everyone when they get locked up as i said in a Mental Health Facility where than receive mental help by professionals.
How can anyone not understand this and then turn around and accuse the ones pointing this out that they are judgemental and cruel? That is irrational thinking, it’s not about being judgemental it’s about helping the addict, the family and the community.
You have to see both sides of the story.
If you did not steal and break in and assault others for your addiction like many crack heads do, then you will not understand the point of view from the victims who have been victimised by the crack head.
That’s why i ask, what’s your story? What’s your drug you used? How did you overcome?
This is a fabulous commentary which deserves the Editor’s pick. It is the brutally honest, justified opinion from someone who has loved a person with the disease of addiction and who must not only grieve the death of his daughter, but also suffer the cruel judgment of others.
I consider myself quite an open-minded, compassionate person, but after reading this commentary, even I felt the pang of guilt for having judged people who commit crimes in order to obtain drugs. This writer made me remember that they’re not doing drugs for fun anymore. It is as “important” to them as food or water.
If you cannot understand this, you are very lucky not to suffer from this disease. Try to remember that when you are judging the actions of other people.
The need goes far beyond mere importance; it becomes an absolute necessity, yes, even more so than food or water. Thank you
I agree – I wanted to write “essential” but thought it would cause readers to argue about that rather than appreciate how difficult it is for the addicts to fight the desire to use drugs.
It’s not about judging, it’s about keeping the Law and having a crime free community as best as possible, it’s about getting the user who is rotting and wasting away help to recover. Seems like you are the one judging and trying to make the victims of these abusers feel like they are the bad guys and the users who abuse and violate them are good guys. Say wha? Go check ya head out! This is the mindset of enablers.
Sorry for your loss, but “we” are not the problem.
Pro tip: If you don’t want to be labeled a crackhead don’t smoke crack.
CNS: Where’s the troll button for this Panda fool?!
CNS: The troll button is returning. If anyone has any more ideas for buttons, let me know now.
What on earth is all this? who is it directed at? was it something on CNS?
It’s explained at the bottom, numbnuts.
Well maybe you should read the original comment this is supposed to be a reply to. the original comment is not particularly well written but nor is it offensive. The term ‘crackhead’ is hardly uncommon or offensive and there IS a need for a residential facility to deal with serious drug dependency issues.
People don’t sympathize with “The disease of addiction” because you seem to forget that it’s SELF INFLICTED. Unless, of course, we are talking about a crack baby born addicted to drugs because his or her mother was a crackhead.
The warnings of hard drug use are there. It should not be a surprise to anyone who uses hard drugs that they might one day end up in a gutter with their throat slit.
I have zero sympathy for crackheads.
Addiction is not self-inflicted. Addicts act exactly the same as the vast majority of drinkers or drug-users for whom there is no issue until at some point they lose the power of choice over the consumption of the substance concerned. That loss of choice may be caused physical factors or mental factors, but either way, once the line is crossed will power is of no use to help them. (Probably the crossing of the line is a mixture of genetic factors, behavioural factors and psychological factors, but really it does not matter and too much time seems to be wasted debating the “why” rather than the “what can we do about it”.) The loss of will power is the very essence of addiction and the central point of the post. No one, absolutely no one chooses the hell that is living in active addiction. The addict knows they are dying, they know they are losing all that is good about life, but they are no longer able to stop doing the very thing that is killing them. Your sort of vile judgement kills people, and I pray none of your children have the misfortune of suffering from the illness of addiction. You lazily attribute addiction to a moral choice when that is to completely fail to understand the horror of addiction.
I have heard that any drug abuser has to take full responsibility before they can even begin to stop the habit. It is often said that they have to hit rock bottom. It appears that your child really hit rock bottom to no avail because the addition killed her. I cannot say I know how you feel because I don’t but I sympathize with you. However your rant towards the entire population of the Cayman Islands is uncalled for. Your anger is scary and I wonder if you have now placed the anger you felt about your child’s addition candy subsequent define on all of us. Yes some of us can be cold and callous but that does not give you the right to be so disrespectful to the entire population. You said you are a Counsellor but I pray you are not practicing on this rock because God help us if you are counseling our youth with such venom spewing from your soul. I pray you will find inner peace before too long.
I posted the comment at 11.26 above and was not the writer of the original comment, so perhaps you can leave out the mistargeted and insensitive personal comments aimed at the writer of the original comment. What you have heard, you have heard, but I can assure you that it only once an addict learns they have no choice to use or not and that their will power is useless that they have any hope of recovery. The inability to decide not to use is included in the various definitions of addiction as a disease.
Ignorance, cruelty and an inability to sympathize or empathize. A dangerous combination. A case in point.
Crack kills, alcohol kills and even cigarettes kill. Which will kill you quicker and is more detrimental to the your well being?
Crack, being that is it mixed with more harmful chemicals will probably end your life a lot quicker than the other two but never underestimate just how quick an alcoholic could become the next crack head living down the street by you.
In this world of labels we live in, it’s no surprise that one is labeled “alcoholic”, “smoker” or “crackhead”. In truth they are drug addicts but we all know how deadly crack is, and addicts of that drug will rather risk their well being and even others well being to once again enjoy the high they get. Those people cannot critically think for themselves anymore but do not be mistaken this was no accident it was very intentional and it led to them to being out of control to the point where there bodies shutdown once in withdrawal.
Crack kills this is why I hate drug pushers, peddlers and sellers. These low lives who trade in the misery and sufferings of others deserve nothing less than what is given to them in China, Sudia Arabia, Singapore, Malaysia and other countries where pushers, peddlers and their cohorts get their just rewards a death sentence.