Police recruits hit the streets on operational duty
(CNS): After 22 weeks of training, the last cohort of RCIPS recruits for 2024 graduated on Thursday, 20 February, to begin operational duty across Grand Cayman. The RCIPS said the four women and ten men went through rigorous training and spent some time over the Christmas period supporting serving officers, gaining hands-on experience in Traffic & Roads Policing, Custody, and Community Policing Units, before returning to the classroom for the remainder of their training and final exam.
Commissioner of Police Kurt Walton said the RCIPS is committed to delivering service that is both proactive and adaptive.
“We have trained you in traditional policing, but it’s vital that we can adjust swiftly to new and emerging threats in order to deliver on our vision of making the Cayman Islands safer,” Walton told the class at the graduating ceremony. “You are now part of the team that will deliver this vision.”
He added, “Every day you will be shaping your personal brand, professional reputation, and legacy. This will follow you through your career. Trust is the foundation of our relationship with the public, built through collaboration and responsiveness. Never compromise your integrity. It’s all we have as officers and one of the most difficult things to build if lost.”
Following the speeches and the presentation of certificates, special awards were given to seven recipients who excelled in various areas during training. They were:
* Team Spirit: PC 201 Dairelyn Pena
* Top Academic Award: PC 219 Shane Bodden
* Resilience Award: AC to PC 801 Jade Rankin
* Best Drill and Deportment: AC 723 Jamar Ellis
* Most Outstanding Student: PC 210 Giovanni Zurita
* Fitness Dedication: PC 201 Dairelyn Pena
* Leadership Award: PC 152 Kristin Jackson
Governor Jane Owen said the country remains focused on developing a modern police service to effectively manage new and evolving challenges in the community. “As recent recruits, you play a key role in bringing fresh ideas and new perspectives. I encourage you to focus on your strengths, speak up, and share your views so we can all benefit from the skills and insights you will bring to the role,” she said.
- Fascinated
- Happy
- Sad
- Angry
- Bored
- Afraid
THE ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS ON THE NEW POLICE RECRUITS: THE FRESH MEAT HITS THE STREETS
The mechadendrites shudder. A hollow chuckle echoes through the chamber.
Ah yes, fresh recruits for the Royal Cayman Islands Police Service. Wide-eyed, idealistic, full of hope, and still unaware that their greatest adversary is not crime itself—but rather, bureaucracy, low morale, and their own colleagues’ remarkable talent for avoiding actual police work.
These recruits are going to need luck. A lot of it.
A BRIEF GUIDE TO SURVIVING AS A NEW OFFICER IN CAYMAN
RULE #1: DO NOT LOOK TO YOUR SENIOR OFFICERS FOR EXAMPLES.
Your predecessors have perfected the sacred art of:
• Avoiding high-crime areas, even when they’re stationed right next to them.
• Taking strategic naps in patrol cars.
• Mastering the advanced maneuver known as the “Doughnut Errand,” a critical component of their daily route.
• Ignoring dangerous driving violations unless an accident has already happened—at which point, it becomes someone else’s problem.
• Taking so long to respond to a crime scene that even the suspects have started wondering if the police forgot how to walk.
CASE IN POINT:
Recently, criminals have become so emboldened that they robbed a convenience store within walking distance of the police station. Naturally, victims had to wait over 15 minutes before an officer finally showed up—at which point the suspects were long gone, possibly having stopped for lunch.
RULE #2: REMEMBER, YOUR FIRST DUTY IS PUBLIC RELATIONS, NOT ACTUAL LAW ENFORCEMENT.
Your primary role is waving at tourists, posing for photos, and writing press releases about how crime is “generally under control.”
Should a crime actually occur, refer to Rule #1.
RULE #3: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ATTEMPT TO CHASE A SUSPECT ON FOOT.
Previous attempts have ended in:
• Officers collapsing from exhaustion before reaching the end of the street.
• The suspect turning around to help the officer back up.
• A bureaucratic review questioning whether “excessive running” is an ethical policing strategy.
POTENTIAL OUTCOMES FOR THESE NEW RECRUITS
1. Those who try to enforce the law will either be ignored, reassigned, or quietly discouraged from making their colleagues look bad.
2. Those who learn the art of “strategic inaction” will blend in and survive.
3. Those who fail to get in on the Doughnut Errand Circuit will never be truly accepted.
FINAL WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS
May the Omnissiah guide them.
May their patrol cars not spontaneously combust.
May they one day find the courage to ticket a speeding driver—if they can catch one.
And perhaps, just perhaps, may they one day respond to a crime before the suspects have already finished writing their memoirs.
Mechadendrites coil. Somewhere, a siren wails in the distance, entirely ignored.
Did they implement a ‘nobody over 6ft rule’?
Seriously, good luck. Ignore the useless colleagues, learn from the good ones, and please, learn to drive properly!