Voting for turkeys
Corrupt Voter writes: I need a fridge and I’m prepared to vote for whoever gives me one before Election Day. I also need a washing machine, so I may well accept one from a second candidate and tell them I’ll vote for him/her but in truth I will vote for the candidate that gave me the more expensive appliance. However, a candidate that wants to trump the fridge candidate can offer to do major repairs to my house, which I can’t get the government to do because they’re all useless.
I fully expect all candidates to help pay my power bill and to give me cash. A 25 dollar bill is good; $100 is better. You can stand on the street corner or come to my house. I don’t care. As long as you know that I’m open to bribery.
I’m not going to tell you which constituency I live in, so between now and the May election every candidate should ask every voter they think is bribable if they need (wink! wink!) a fridge just in case I live in their district. They had better hope that they don’t offer the fridge or washing machine or home repairs to an honest voter, though, because they know that it is an illegal act under section 95 of the Elections Law just to try this grift. An honest voter would also know that it is illegal to accept such gifts in return for votes, even if you don’t in the end vote for them.
I don’t really care about this though. My fridge is four years old and I want a new one. I also understand that a person who would buy my vote would sell their country, but my beers will be chilled, which is the important thing. A morally weak candidate is a small price to pay.
Talking of beers, I fully intend to go to every single function that every candidate holds in my district but only if there’s food and especially if there’s drink and a band playing. Some candidates, especially incumbents, will call this a community function, but we know it is electioneering and therefore illegal. But there will be free food and I won’t have to cook that night. That’s worth a vote.
My neighbour votes for the candidate that gives her a turkey at Christmas but I think she’s selling her vote short. She should push for at least a small appliance, a microwave maybe, then in four years she can upgrade her vote to something bigger, like a fridge. I mean, if you’re going to sell your vote in a corrupt election, you might as well get something decent out of it.
I always choose how to vote this way and it’s worked for me for decades. No, I don’t have a job, my district needs a lot of repairs and my child, a good boy, has been in and out of jail for drugs and petty crime. I couldn’t get any help for him when he started having problems. I tried to call my representative but he was always in Monaco or Africa or London or somewhere doing something important that involved champagne.
Those people who get elected, they’re all useless and I have moaned about my representative for four years. I expect I’ll moan for the next four years. But what can I do? It’s the system.
Category: Polls, Viewpoints & Analysis, Viewpoint & Analysis
