UPM still pursuing forced acquisition of GT beach land
(CNS): The minority UPM administration is proving to be less of an actual lame duck, despite having lost its majority and mandate to govern. The Cayman Islands Government has revealed it is continuing to pursue a compulsory acquisition of a small piece of beachfront land in George Town known as Red Spot.
Speaking in parliament on Wednesday, Tourism Minister Kenneth Bryan said that updated independent valuations of the land had been undertaken, and an offer had been made to the owner of the small plot on the harbourfront where local fisherfolk have traditionally plied their wares.
In October, the CIG accepted a private member’s motion submitted by backbencher MP McKeeva Bush (WBW) to consider the compulsory acquisition of the small parcels that make up the piece of land where the fish market is located.
Most of Red Spot (aka Dora’s Beach) is owned by Chris Johnson, who remains reluctant to sell the site to the government as he has long intended to donate the land to the people as a beach for everyone to use free from commercial activity.
However, Bryan confirmed that, given its importance to the local community, the government was still pursuing the purchase. A lawyer has been appointed by the Attorney General’s Chambers to pursue the acquisition. However, a revised offer is likely to be made to provide evidence to the court that the CIG had made as many reasonable attempts as possible to buy the land for a fair price and settle the issue amicably.
He said a section 6 notice, which indicates the government’s intention to acquire the parcels, will be posted on the land even as the negotiations with Johnson continue. If he does not agree to sell, the CIG will seek a court hearing where it will present an affidavit about why it wants to take the land. A notice will then be issued for that hearing, providing the owner an opportunity to object.
It is extremely rare for the government to attempt to force a private landowner to sell their land, given the importance of the concept of property ownership to the local political and economic system. The CIG’s power to acquire land by force is usually only used when it is building what it perceives as essential roads.
Previous governments have been extremely reluctant to forcefully take land and have been willing to enter into very lengthy negotiations to secure land for roads to avoid the need to so publicly take property from an owner against their will.
CNS reached out to Johnson in the wake of Bryan’s indication that the government is ready to present the matter before the court, but he is currently overseas.
However, he has repeatedly told CNS that the land is not for sale because once work is complete on the site, he intends to establish a trust to create a public beach, which will be donated to the people to ensure public access to what is effectively the only beach area in the harbour.
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Category: Politics
Food for thought
This move is the result of a private members motion that was supported by majority if not all politicians. So why the attack on a single minister? Additionally this matter has been at the fore from around 2020, and the land owner has made this promise of giving it to the people of Cayman. If this was indeed a genuine intention, why hasn’t the land been handed over to the people of the Cayman Islands all now?
Wait until Kenny – of the flapping mouth – Bryan sees the cumulative government legal costs if Chris Johnson decides – and he will – to fight this to the highest level. He has forgotten more about legal process than Kenny could even dream of trying to learn. He should go back to being a shop window dummy displaying fancy clothes.
They ain’t no meatloaf between Chris Johnsons buns put it that way. Kenny B the emperor of the Cayman Islands is gonna be found out as having no clothes if he doesn’t stop playing with real people, with people careers.
He should do more fridge replacements with his wife. That’s more his level.
The UDP/PPM donor class includes rotten Caymanians that own adjacent land, that dislike Chris calling them out on their land grabs, corner-cutting, after-the-fact permissions and irreversible destruction. It has nothing to do with the trespassing spoiled Honduran fish market. Pity Cayman doesn’t have more like Chris, with both means and care.
Years ago I did some pro-bono work for town (I am a qualified Architect). I approached all landowners along North Church Street in a grass-roots effort to build a sidewalk between the cruise ship port and Le Vela restaurant. About 1000 linear feet of the road.
Landowners paid for sidewalks on their parcels, while I managed the contractor and drawings for free, in a collective effort to increase foot traffic, while providing a safe space for pedestrian road-users. In-turn, the benefit for the landowners were more sales for their commercial properties due to increased foot traffic. We were able to build 800 linear feet which has resulted in plenty of happy pedestrian visitors and locals who use the street with no hit and runs, which were a common occurrence 10 years ago along this strip. The success of this sidewalk initiative was massive.
Chris gladly built a sidewalk along his 200 foot length of property which has in turn made the site more accessible and safe to walk (it wasn’t before with the wall there).
This can be considered as a phase 1 for the plans we have for the site. Phase 2 includes making the site into a real beach park for locals and tourists. The design submitted to planning, currently adjourned by CPA, is beautiful and puts forward stepped seating along the entire length of the existing sidewalk creating an amphitheatre-like space facing the sea. The design provides accessibility along the entire length of the parcel and caters to all things currently happening on the site: the tourists that swim and sunbathe on the site and locals who pass time there.
We also considered the fish market, because they need a real facility. A facility that can grow, be clean, be safe and better-looking. What they have now looks awful and doesn’t function well. Additionally, there is no parking, toilets or running water. The site is small and there simply isn’t room for them to function there, especially considering the traffic chaos that spills onto North Church Street. There are urban planning and real estate issues playing out which are affecting the neighbouring properties. It’s awful that government are now looking to consider compulsory acquisition of the land without any plans for it. Chris has wonderful plans for the site with the grand purpose of giving it to Cayman.
GT Rejuvenation
Any plans put forward by the government under the GT Rejuvenation initiative needs to be considered critically given their underperformances.
You can’t just pedestrianize a street without testing and understanding the effects. Everybody in Cayman drives, so pedestrianizing a street in Cayman will decrease the local market exposure, as proven in the thoughtless move to pedestrianize Cardinal Avenue.
You can’t just create a park like it’s the 1850’s. Parks are for the most part vacant spaces since our world became a very capitalist over the last 70 years. Unless programmed around the perimeter with commercial and retail functions, parks are empty spaces. No one in Cayman hangouts in a park during the day, the weather doesn’t permit, and no one has the time, or reason to do so. Scranton Park will be a very vacant space unless it has real attractors. It really should have been used for low and low/mid income housing, to build back residential space into our nation’s capital or why not relocate the skatepark there to attract youth into the city centre? Pretty much anything but what was put forward would be a better use of the space and money.
Government doesn’t have plans for Red Spot, nor do they have urban planning design knowledge, so they will continue to make massive mistakes in town. Chris has a plan for the site which will make it a beautiful place to visit.
Fisherfolk Rights
Growing up here as a kid, I remember the site well and how the guys used to sell fish from the water, on the piece of Ironshore there with a scale. I respect that. Only in recent years have they occupied the land on the parcel. By gathering aerials from the Lands and Survey department it can been seen that they started erecting tents after Ivan. During the planning submission the Public Lands Commission failed to put forward any evidence pertaining to access rights for the guys selling fish. This is because they never occupied the land until after Ivan as anyone will remember.
Cruise Port
Given the close proximity to the cruise port, Red Spot would be massively valuable to any future cruise pier design, it would add width and more area to any future scheme and make it easier for government to move forward with a cruise port design.
I hope government stops this effort to consider compulsory acquisition, it would be an awful precedent and why would anyone ever considering buying land in town if Government is to eventually acquire it.
All good points Sir.
My questions are:
Is it because they are in league with Kenneth and McKeeva why the CPA has not decided on the application?
What sense does it make for Kenneth and McKeeva to use our money to buy land, from a person who has applied for permission to create a public space for all, just so they can GIVE the land to others at no cost?
Also, everybody knows that Kenneth is taking public money and building the Scranton COMMUNITY Park for the Cricket Square developers who sponsor him. The question here is Which “community” is kenneth building the park for? When the cricket square developers are buying out all of the people who live in the Scranton Community. Kenneth is their agent and doesnt hide it very well based on his board appointments and foolish film trip proposals.
When will Kenneth Bryan propose to compulsory acquire the Dart property and the Watler property on North Church street too?
All of this talk about using the nuclear method of comp acquisition against Chris is just because Chris has been exposing Kenneth and McKeeva’s dirt for a long time.
Keep up the fight Chris!
how is kenny mc jr doing with the waterfront land purchase to train us Caymanians!!! to get jobs in the tourism biz he boasts about.
Nothing but crickets there.
hope his Scranton park alter project gets dusty as well, maybe put some paddle boats in the swamp as well to improve the fitness of the representatives . crazy times…big mac just in the background planning the disaster ahead of us.
Crack is whack, yo.
Where is the required parking, facilities, running water, rubbish collection?
Again, what is this for? To sell fish from Honduras?
Calling this cultural as as cultural as camping in a government beach cabana at Easter.
Don’t you get it? The owner does WANT to sell! He wants the land to be for the use of US, the Caymanians!! WE want it for our use! It is the government that wants to beg,borrow or steal it from Mr. Chris. This should not be an option. A person should be able to give their land for the people’s use without worrying that the sitting government is vying to steal it.
So let’s try to figure this out logically; Given Mr.Johnson’s generous intention of leaving the land in a trust for all the Caymanian People,
1. Why should the government have any need whatsoever to spend the public’s money acquiring Red Spot Beach?
2. The government can relocate the “Fishermen” to their nearby property and…
3. Mr. Johnson will pay to clean up, beautify and reestablish Red Spot Beach as it was long before the “Fishermen” sold fish on Mr. Johnson’s property.
4. This preserves a small but significant “cultural spot” in downtown as it was hundreds of years ago. 5. So why the urgent need for forcing the sale, taking property already earmarked for all Caymanians and paying public funds for Mr. Johnson’s land when he is giving it in perpetuity to the Caymanian people?
6. It appears as if the politicians might have ulterior motives for the development of the harbor, because paying a lot of public money simply to keep the “Fisherman” in place seems a highly questionable usage of public funds. It is an assault on common sense, and other scents since the stench of their motives stink more than the “Fisherman’s” spot on Mr. Johnson’s land.
Why would you think the government has any common seance Ivan Tell?
Hope springs eternal? My bad.
Clearly common sense does not feature.
Simply put , vindictive crooks stealing private property is what is going on here.
Luigi’s t-shirt sales for “Legalize Commonsense” should be skyrocketing at this point at the adjacent property, Cayman Cabana?
Would need to sell a lot of them to pay all the missing pension contributions, etc.
Shouldn’t the Department of Environmental Health or someone shut this horrible pretend fish market down.
I pity anyone that eats the fish sold there.
It’s not ABOUT the fucking fish. It’s about the owner’s right to leave the property for the use of the people.
DEH I implore you to do your jobs and check the fish being sold at this location with a temperature probe. My guess is, nothing being sold there is fit for human consumption. The smell alone is a dead give away.
When will the DOE/NCC be requiring he removal of the illegally poured slab on the sand? Or do their rules only apply to some?
Does nobody think of the turtles!?
Hopefully this will be the nail in the political coffin of the twonk that is, Cola Kenny.
This is beyond unacceptable. Government can just forcefully take this guys land because they deem it to be important?
We all know that fish isn’t local or good and those fisher people are selling and consuming more than just fish. It’s a crappy tourist trap.
Google: “Keli vs New London”
This is a horrible and slippery slope for the government to go down. Shame on you all.
typo: “Kelo vs New London”
hey does everyone one remember when they diverted a decades spanning, multi million dollar infrastructure project so as to not piss off some rich horse people?
Yeah – not so keen to rush through the compulsory purchase on that one. But then, Chris is not a born Caymanian, makes public noise about Mac’s various activities and the CIFA fraud, and wants to donate the land to the public rather than use it in some murky deal to generate revenue for politicians.
If Mr. Johnson wanted to put the land in a trust and make it a available for the community, then why didn’t he do that whe. he bought the land over 30 years ago?
So you don’t disagree that Mr. Johnson has the right goal here, to benefit all Caymanians rather than to simply sell the land for profit and cost the public $$$. How about applauding the fact that the owner, Mr. Johnson, has the best interests of the Caymanian people in mind. Can you say the same for the politicians who want to spend the people’s money to supposedly do what Mr. Johnson is already willing to do? Doubt it.
You obviously do not know the history of the property. Only one piece of property is where the fish market is so why does Cig want an extra price purchased many years later.
My Johnson was for many years the joint owner of the land. Thus he was in no position to donate the land. For your further edification the land was purchased about 50 years ago, not thirty.
Off the subject and pertaining to the Port and I quote “Kenneth Bryan, the representative for George Town Central, where the port will be constructed if it goes ahead, pointed out that while it is by no means the only concern on the minds of his constituents, the way government had behaved was giving real cause for concern. He encouraged everyone to go out and sign the petition and those that already have to verify their names”. This is in 2019 When in the opposition, what a difference in a few years makes.
not to mention payouts from developers
Just turn on the waterworks again KB , weeping in parliament to push through your referendum ? Maybe the Honorable Chris Johnson will hand over that plot to you personally 🤔
Best beach to get ma drink on and ma sun on
Nothin like da smell of fresh dead fish and seashells in ma toes strait up yall i be like spread eagle on this ma not playin fo sho
Put the pipe down son.
Stop bullying Mr Johnson you jumped up convicted dealer!
You don’t have our best interests at heart, this is just about spending our money on another useless crack hangout!!
Govt have been compulsory acquiring private land for years paying undervalue and bullying landowners under the roads law, and most can’t upfront costs legal costs. Unless of course you are one of the favoured few with political connections. Just look at the auditor general’s report back in the early 2000s.
CiG have to show that the acquisition is for the benefit of the public… not for the commercial activities of a few fisherman…also have to prove that an alternative site could not be found. The court should dismiss this!
This is so true. The fishermen have not caught the fish they are selling / it’s from Honduras!
Move the ‘fish market’ to the new area by the maritime building (bought for many $’sss & then developed as promised) & make sure it’s inspected by DEH & the sellers have passed the certification. The fish is off!!!
Nothing “historical” about this. Its just a small table with raw fish, with a tiny, cramped parking space. Just relocate this to Kenny beach that the government already bought and cleared.
Chris Johnson has generously agreed to beautify and donate this small piece of land so that people can enjoy it. Why is the government trying to shake him down and have him incur thousands of dollars in legal fees to retain this? So that a handful of squatters can sell fish?
They’re dealing with a good one!
Hmmm, everyone seems to have missed that the October motion approved in Parliament was approved and supported by all MPs. So not just Kenny and McBush to blame here.
Kenny must not under estimate Chris Johnson.
Blood may be spilt at Red Spot as Kenny proclaimed in the house. That may be but I doubt it will come from Chris
Minimac Kenny the uneducated back street drug dealer, against a principled educated experienced professional long standing member of the financial community..?
My money is on Chris.
Truth will come out in court and it won’t end well for Kenny boy.
Government tried to force the owners of the horse stable to sell out for the Linford Pierson road expansion, didn’t go so well for them….
Let’s not pretend that wasnt’t only because that was McTaggart/Alberga’s land. All are created equal, but some are just a little “more equal” 🙄
This will be setting a precedent and a terrible one. What gets me though is that there’s no legitimate parking for this so called fish market which creates traffic slows during the day. Then you have the idiots who park on the side of the road which makes it a hazard. How is this even legal to operate a business without parking? Kenny you messed up again ole boy!
Relax all. I have been away since last week. Naturally all this diatribe was done without my knowledge. Typical on Bryan. Two more brain cells he will be a tree
Note I have yet to see any of their independent valuations
All readers note I will fight it tooth and nail all the way. Some of us do not roll over
That beach is a public beach and no commerce should take place, certainly not one with such a stench
Please check the valuations and the assumptions that Govt would have instructed the valuers to make in arriving at their valuations…. Eg the zoning and depth and setbacks…so you’ll end up with a low valuation…
I heard the Govt have been trying to ban valuers and lawyers advising landowners that don’t agree with their methods and opinions… this should be investigated.
Great point. Any “valuation” should be made w/o devaluing instructions or perhaps an independent evaluation should be made by Mr. Johnson’s preferred evaluator. Yet all is moot given that Mr. Johnson has no interest in selling his property.
Dear Mr. Johnson,
Please refrain from insulting trees.
Thank you.
Chris, if Notts Forest can do it, so can you.
Good luck .
Too right Chris, this stinks more than the fish market. A$$ wipe Kenny needs schooling on the legalities of forced acquisition. I can’t wait to see him get his head wiped with his a$$.
The Bill of Rights, Freedom and Responsibilities
You have a right to enjoy the things you own. The Government cannot take away property or place restrictions on your property without very good reason.
Property
15.—(1) Government shall not interfere in the peaceful enjoyment of any person’s property and shall not compulsorily take possession of any person’s property, or compulsorily acquire an interest in or right over any person’s property of any description, except in accordance with law and where—
(a)the interference, taking of possession or acquisition is necessary or expedient in the interests of defence, public safety, public order, public morality, public health, town and country planning or the development or utilisation of any property in such manner as to promote the public benefit or the economic well-being of the community; and
(b)there is reasonable justification for the causing of any hardship that may result to any person having an interest in or right over the property; and
(c)provision is made by a law applicable to that interference, taking of possession or acquisition—
(i)for the prompt payment of adequate compensation; and
(ii)securing to any person having an interest in or right over the property a right of access to the Grand Court, whether direct or on appeal from any other authority, for the determination of his or her interest or right, the legality of the interference with, taking of possession or acquisition of the property, interest or right, and the amount of any compensation to which he or she is entitled, and for the purpose of obtaining prompt payment of that compensation; and
(iii)giving to any party to proceedings in the Grand Court relating to such a claim the same rights of appeal as are accorded generally to parties to civil proceedings in that Court sitting as a court of original jurisdiction.
(2) Nothing in any law or done under its authority shall be held to contravene subsection (1)—
(a)to the extent that the law in question makes provision for the interference with, taking of possession or acquisition of any property, interest or right—
(i)in satisfaction of any tax, rate or due;
(ii)by way of penalty for breach of any law or forfeiture in consequence of a breach of any law;
(iii)as an incident of a lease, tenancy, mortgage, charge, bill of sale, pledge or contract;
(iv)by way of taking of a sample for the purposes of any law;
(v)where the property consists of an animal, on its being found trespassing or straying;
(vi)in the execution of judgments or orders of a court;
(vii)by reason of its being in a dilapidated or dangerous state or injurious to the health of human beings, animals or plants;
(viii)in consequence of any law with respect to prescription or the limitation of actions; or
(ix)for so long only as may be necessary for the purposes of any examination, investigation, trial or inquiry, or, in the case of land, for the purposes of carrying out on it work of reclamation, drainage, soil conservation or the conservation of other natural resources or work relating to agricultural development or improvement (being work relating to such development or improvement that the owner or occupier of the land has been required, and has, without reasonable and lawful excuse, refused or failed to carry out),
except so far as that provision of law or, as the case may be, the thing done under its authority is shown not to be reasonably justifiable in a democratic society; or
(b)to the extent that the law in question makes provision for the taking of possession or acquisition of any of the following property (including an interest in or right over property), that is to say—
(i)enemy property;
(ii)property of a person who has died, a person of unsound mind or a minor, for the purpose of its administration for the benefit of the persons entitled to the beneficial interest in it;
(iii)property of a person adjudged bankrupt or a body corporate in liquidation, for the purpose of its administration for the benefit of the creditors of the bankrupt or body corporate and, subject thereto, for the benefit of other persons entitled to the beneficial interest in the property; or
(iv)property subject to a trust, for the purpose of vesting the property in persons appointed as trustees under the instrument creating the trust or by a court or, by order of a court, for the purpose of giving effect to the trust.
(3) Nothing in any law or done under its authority shall be held to contravene subsection (1) to the extent that the law in question makes provision for the interference with or compulsory taking of possession in the public interest of any property, or the compulsory acquisition in the public interest of any interest in or right over property, where that property, interest or right is held by a body corporate established by law for public purposes in which no moneys have been invested other than moneys provided from public funds.
Non-discrimination
16.—(1) Subject to subsections (3), (4), (5) and (6), government shall not treat any person in a discriminatory manner in respect of the rights under this Part of the Constitution.
(2) In this section, “discriminatory” means affording different and unjustifiable treatment to different persons on any ground such as sex, race, colour, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, association with a national minority, age, mental or physical disability, property, birth or other status.
(3) No law or decision of any public official shall contravene this section if it has an objective and reasonable justification and is reasonably proportionate to its aim in the interests of defence, public safety, public order, public morality or public health.
(4) Subsection (1) shall not apply to any law so far as that law makes provision—
(a)for the appropriation of revenues or other funds of the Cayman Islands or for the imposition of taxation (including the levying of fees for the grants of licences);
(b)with respect to the entry into or exclusion from, or the employment, engaging in any business or profession, movement or residence within, the Cayman Islands of persons who are not Caymanian;
(c)for the application, in the case of persons of any such description of grounds as is mentioned in subsection (2) (or of persons connected with such persons), of the law with respect to adoption, marriage, divorce, burial, devolution of property on death or other like matters that is the personal law applicable to persons of that description; or
(d)whereby persons of any such description of grounds as is mentioned in subsection (2) may be subjected to any disability or restriction or may be accorded any privilege or advantage which, having regard to its nature and to special circumstances pertaining to those persons or to persons of any other such description, is objectively and reasonably justifiable in a democratic society and there is a reasonable proportionality between the means employed and the purpose sought to be realised.
(5) Nothing in any law shall be held to contravene subsection (1) to the extent that it requires a person to be a Caymanian, or to possess any other qualification (not being a qualification specifically relating to any such description of grounds as is mentioned in subsection (2)) in order to be eligible for appointment to any office in the public service or in a disciplined force or any office in the service of a local government authority or of a body corporate established directly by any law for public purposes.
(6) Subsection (1) shall not apply to anything which is expressly or by necessary implication authorised to be done by any such provision of law as is referred to in subsection (3), (4) or (5).
(7) Subsection (1) is without prejudice to any restriction on the rights and freedoms guaranteed by section 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 or 14 if that restriction would, in accordance with that section, be a restriction authorised for the purposes of that section on the ground that—
(a)the provision by or under which it is imposed is reasonably required in the interests of a matter, or for the purpose, specified in that section; and
(b)the provision and the restriction imposed under it are reasonably justifiable in a democratic society.
Sadly Cabinet only agreed to obey those laws that they think are relevant to them
What dòes Joey and the PPM have to say about this?
Afterall, the PPM seem to be joining forces with Kenneth for the next election.
This is so overtly corrupt. Kenny, Mac et al want the property for their future unwanted (by the people!) cruise port. The owner wants it to be used for the people, in perpetuity. He should be able to put it in a trust for that purpose, but NO! the people who are entrusted with governing these islands are willing, apparently, to do anything within their power to steal it from him to use for their purposes, CONTRARY to the will of the people!! WTF!!!!!!
If they are successful in stealing Chris’s land, I will be one of hopefully thousands of people standing on that land to prevent it from being used.
I can’t believe we are allowing this to happen. I just can’t believe that this broken government callously cares so little for their constituents’ wishes. My eyes are wide open now, are yours?
McKeeva hates Chris Johnson because, I believe, he was one of the auditors who uncovered McKeeva’s corruption as a Director of that bank on West Bay Road.
That was First Cayman Bank.
Where local fisherfolk have traditionally plied their wares?
I went there once and there was a man, the same one pictured above, who was speaking with a very strong Jamaican accent, and who was selling fish that had arrived in Cayman on a Honduran fishing boat.
Is this how Kenny proposes to protect Caymanians?
Stand strong, Mr. Johnson!
Do you think for one minute Chris Johnson will take this lying down . He is a fighter and loves supporting the underdog
Most are not local fishermen. They are from Honduras and just come here to clean and sell their catch.
It doesn’t matter about the fishermen. What matters is the will of the owner of the land.
This is insane. It’s private property.
Don’t worry, once the new immigration changes go through at best Chris will be a level 3 Caymanian and then Bryan can just put up an illegal sign that reads “It mine now Bobo”. No court case or payment needed.
That or he can say it out loud three times while clapping his hands and then it becomes law. Full moon and donkeys optional but can’t hurt.
/sarc
Stop, just stop! Kenny’s ego needs to be checked.
This is a vindictive bullying attack by Bryan and Mac Bush, on someone who has been a critic of their unprincipled political shenanigans.
The land is not essential for a hospital or road in the public interest….their motivation is simply abuse of powers while they’re still in office.
Bryan and Bush embody the lowest form of politician akin to the worst traits of African dictators.
I’ve checked. It’s huge and out of control.
🚨 OFFICIAL TRANSMISSION FROM THE ADEPTUS RIDICULOUS 🚨
Re: The Absolute Monarchy of the Cayman Islands—All Hail Queen Juliana! 👑💰
Citizens of Absurdistan, the era of democracy has ended! Long live Her Majesty, Queen Juliana I, the divinely anointed sovereign of the Cayman Islands, chosen by celestial decree (or was it a WhatsApp prophecy?) to reign over all lands, beaches, and bank accounts with righteous impunity.
📜 The Royal Decree: The Crown Now Owns Your Property
In an act of pure, undisputed monarchical governance, Her Majesty Queen Juliana I has decreed that the disputed George Town beach shall henceforth belong to the Crown (a.k.a. the government, a.k.a. herself).
💰 Compensation for the original owner?
• NONE! Because why pay for something you can just take?
💼 Legal Precedent?
• The great South African land expropriation policy—a marvel of state-sponsored theft wrapped in bureaucratic justification!
🛑 Public Backlash?
• Who cares? If the peasants complain too much, they’ll be labeled “obstacles to progress” or worse—“expats!”
🛡 The Grand Justification: Divine Land Redistribution!
👑 “The land is for the people!” (Translation: It’s for the government to sell later.)
📜 “God has spoken!” (Translation: A voice in my head told me to do it.)
💰 “We must preserve Cayman for Caymanians!” (Translation: Only for my loyal subjects and donors.)
🔍 “This is about justice!” (Translation: Justice means whatever we need it to mean this week.)
🏰 The Expansion of the Monarchy—What’s Next?
💼 All businesses shall now belong to the Crown.
• Foreign investment? HA! Foreign expropriation is the future!
🏡 Your home is no longer yours.
• If you have oceanfront property, expect a royal eviction notice soon.
💵 A new Royal Wealth Redistribution Tax (100% for the throne, of course).
• “Give unto Queen Juliana what is Queen Juliana’s!”
📢 Absolute control of speech
• Criticizing the monarchy? Treason!
• Using satire? Double treason!
• Expect new ministries such as the Department of Thought Crimes.
🔥 FINAL VERDICT: Welcome to the Kingdom of Caymanistan!
📜 The era of democracy is over.
👑 All land belongs to the Crown.
💰 Your assets are now “communal.”
🚨 Dissent will not be tolerated.
👑 Hail Queen Juliana, First of Her Name, Protector of the Fiefdoms, Expropriator of Beaches, Supreme Priestess of the Absurd, and Defender of the Divine Right to Rule!
⚠️ Disclaimer:
While this decree is entirely fictional, the government’s ongoing land grabs, unchecked power, and absence of fair compensation are very, very real.
This absurdist nightmare is not a joke—it’s a warning. Because what happens when governments believe they can take without consequence?
🚨 Today it’s a beach. Tomorrow, it’s your home.
Are you employed? Genuine question, it is like you wait and camp inside your room, itching for the opportunity to write these long, cringe and unfunny parables. The only person I could think of that enjoys hearing themselves speak this much is a guy called Kenny B, do you lot happen to be related by chance?
I read all of your missives. I am also verbose, however I am also funny. I find most of your works to be tiresome. I picture you standing before a podium, wearing a waistcoat, cravat and pince-nez glasses. I suspect that your oration is similar to Ben Stein. Please, you could be a satisfying contributor, if not for the condescending tone.
Thanks. Hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.
Dear trolls 🧌,
I truly appreciate your continued engagement—it’s heartwarming to know I have such dedicated readers. Rest assured, I don’t post from a dimly lit room, glued to a keyboard.
No, I live an extremely active lifestyle, enjoying the island’s natural beauty while working my craft—a craft that, to your evident dismay, reaches far beyond mere words. Whether through the written word, visual arts, or video game narratives, I create, while you… well, critique.
Beyond my penchant for storytelling, I also have a deep understanding of technology—because, unlike some, I actually enjoy building things rather than just complaining about them. Whether it’s narrative-driven AI, game development, or digital world-building, I thrive in spaces where creativity and technology merge.
Meanwhile, you seem to struggle with anything beyond scrolling and seething. But I digress—back to your regularly scheduled interpretative dance.
As for my employment on the island—I never researched it, nor do I believe any company here could produce more than a reality show (assuming, of course, they manage to do so without shortchanging the cast and film crew).
And regarding my personal style—you are more than welcome to critique it. In fact, I cherish the feedback! I do, however, apologize for my excessive use of words.
Next time, I’ll simply say “government bad” and leave the rest to you—perhaps expressed through interpretative dance, starting with the Saint Vitus’ dance.
The Adeptus Ridiculous of Cayman Islands,
Grogg the Ork,
The Secretary to the Ambassador of Absurdistan,
Claptrap’s Romantic Interest,
Cayman Island’s shop of Dead Parrots,
The Ministry of Silly Walks,
and countless others,
Post Scriptum: The Emperor provides content, for satire !
I love these, CNS should make them an official post, a weekly recap from our The Adeptus Ridiculous.
Is this just an ego thing on behalf of Bryan? Government bought land just a few doors down by Whitehall Bay, can’t the fish market relocate there? The fishmarket was not there when I was a kid in the 1990s.
Correct! There never, never, ever, ever, never, never, ever, ever, was a fishmarket at that spot, NEVER! Besides that all the fish come in a truck from Marina Drive having been caught on fishing boats from Honduras.
All 56 of you know absolutely nothing about Red Spot. That land was owned by Caymanians and yes fishermen back in the 60s and seventies, did come there in their boats and cleaned and fold fish from then. Anyone of you 56 or all a your want to contest it, meet X21 at GTown graveyard feb 9th at 12:00 midnight. So ya got fingers to write huh let see you using them to crawl outa Dixie’s. See ya!
I’m Caymanian.
Re “importance to the local community”
It is a smelly covered area where they chop up fish.
Chris Johnson wants it to be water and beach access for Caymanians.
What do Mac and Kenny have in mind ? Another Kenny crack hangout ? This is unbelievable , even for political vermin like Bush and Bryan.
Bryan needs it for the cruise ships
CIG is deceitful.
F@K off Kenny you aren’t a statesman you are a convicted drug dealer!
This is one of Kenneth’s dumbest moves ever. It is a major reason why he cannot be trusted because he is emotionally unstable plus does not understand the consequences of his many reckless actions.
Plus, as demonstrated by the billboards, he has no respect for the law.
I do believe he demonstrated that well prior, with the crack selling and the assaulting of a police officer.